Domestic ABUSE
What is it?
Domestic abuse is incidents or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence.
What could the child/young person feel like growing up?
they may feel Shame, be worried and anxious, responsible for their grown ups, nervous, confused, guilty.
What are the worst things we could do?
It can be really tough for kids when people around them spend time talking about family life and making it seem that everyone has perfect families. Churches can be really bad at that!
It can be really tough for the children and young people from chaotic or volatile homes when adults in churches ask the children to ‘be good’ for their parents and ‘look after their siblings’ but this can actually put pressure on children who may already feel the pressure and worry about their family and what is going to happen next - so instead ask them how you can pray for them and build positive relationships with them.
Adults who have grown up in these chaotic homes may either feel that they have to be responsible for everything and everyone and ‘fix things’, or they may be lacking in confident in their relationships, be submissive or dominant. They may feel anxious when hearing loud noises or conflict. They need to be helped to process their experiences and listen to others who have shared a similar experience This validation is helpful, along with psych education and can reduce the trauma impact. Trauma therapy may be needed however, to fully process the childhood experience.
What are the most helpful things we can do?
Help the children to feel safe and have fun. When they are with adults who are not anxious or worried they can feel more relaxed and enjoy being children without the worry of what could happen.
As adults, let them talk, listen well and be empathetic and kind.
Pray for all the families including those going through a difficult time.
Help the person feel safe and be aware that loud noises or sudden movements can frighten them.
Where to find more info or help
Restored
This is a website aimed at resources churches about domestic abuse, domestic violence and other kid of violence against women. They have lots of resources to help support children and families.
TRC
This is a specialist trauma recovery charity set up to enable children and young people aged 3-24 years to have access to specialised trauma therapy. It has centres in Bath and Guernsey.